Thursday, August 6, 2015

Only the Lonely

There’s one service that I really need, but that people rarely consider, because it’s not the type of thing you sign up for. In fact, if you do it just as “service”, it becomes meaningless; I need company. Not like, “Sister So-and-so is in the nursing home and would be cheered up by visitors,” but like, “Sunshine seems like she would be really interesting if you got to know her. I should call her up and see if we can get together some time.”

I have lived in Pocatello for two years, and I don’t have any hanging-out-type friends (well, there is this one couple we do things with, but they’re more my husband’s friends). There are many kind and caring women at church, but they seem more interested in what they can do for me than in what they can do with me. My best friend here, as far as shared interests and long conversations go, is my dialysis nurse -- and she’s not allowed to recognize me outside of the clinic.  HIPAA.

I know, I know, “To have a friend, you need to be a friend.” There is a “Mom and Me” playgroup that meets once a week, but taking Sunbeam out on my own, particularly at 10 in the morning, is usually beyond me. She is rarely awake by then, and I have no energy. I try to send supportive notes to people I know are struggling. I do my best to be friendly and talk to people at church, especially now that I’m out of the Nursery and back in Relief Society. That’s about all I can do, besides inviting a kid (and her mom) over to play with Sunbeam (and talk to me).

Perhaps it is because I have no energy that people don’t come over; maybe they think I would be more tired by their visit. That might be true if they came over to clean; I’ve said before that I have a hard time refraining from working when someone else is. But sitting and talking with another woman, playing a board game or watching a chick flick, doesn’t take much physical strength, and it would be such a boost to my spirits.

I think it is more likely that people are just “too busy”. They have houses to manage and husband and kids to take care of, and some of them have jobs as well. You can make time in your schedule for an hour of “service”, but a social visit seems like a frivolous use of time.

I know I have many friends out there in the world. If you don’t live near me, a phone call or personal letter would be great -- email or snail mail.
Or message me privately if you want my postal address or phone number.